I snapped this photo for Instagram that day :)
The day before, I had my check up with my midwife, Brande. We talked and wondered about when the baby would come. I could feel it was soon, just didn't know when! My midwife's birth assistant, Malory, had just gotten back from vacation that week. I really wanted Malory here because she had been at Josey's birth. I couldn't picture having a baby without either of them :)
Good thing Malory came back! Because the next day, as soon I was done unloading groceries, my water broke. I had gone upstairs to use the bathroom and put my comfortable yoga pants back on, as I was pushing and pulling to get out of my skinny jeans and hurry to go pee, a gush of water came out. I didn't know if I had peed my pants or if this was really it. I called my Mom and asked her if I was nuts, because I really could have just peed my pants! Soon after, more like 30 seconds, I was sure it was my water. I got off the phone and left my midwife a text and voicemail. She soon got back to me and made preparations to be on her way to my house when I needed her. I tried calling Casey a few times to let him know labor had started. He was ice fishing with Grandpa and his phone was dead. So I left him a goofy "Hey! My water broke!" message. He got back to me about 15-20 minutes later and came home right away. My mother-in-law, Kathy, wanted to be here when the baby was born so I let her know and she was immediately on her way to be here with us. So everyone was notified and on track to being here!
My labor had hardly started yet... Josey and I played in her room a bit and I started packing her a little bag. She was pretty hyper cause she could feel the excitement/anticipation in the room. Soon after Casey came home my sister in law came over to pick Josey up. It was around then that I started feeling labor a bit more I think around 4:00PM.
Around 6 I had talked to my midwife again and told her to be here around 8:00PM cause I felt like it'd be a bit longer until stuff really got going. By the time Brande and Malory came I was at the stage that I call "Not Smiling". I could still move around, walk, talk and stuff but had to stop and concentrate on each contraction as it came. Everyone had been there for about an hour or so when I decided to go upstairs with Casey. About maybe 2 contractions after I had gone upstairs things got intense. It was like the quiet of my room and comfort of my bed really kicked things in. I asked for Casey to get Brande to check me cause I had had a few really strong contractions that did a lot of work. Once they came up to check me, I told them I changed my mind and didn't want to be checked. (indecisive much?) I knew things had really started working, but decided that I didn't want to know how far I had to go. I didn't want to measure how long it was taking or be discouraged. I mean, labor was going! Kicking right in and becoming intense. But I knew I wasn't at the end yet.
After working around my bed, on the yoga ball, and moving around a whole lot Brande suggested a warm shower. I went into the shower with the yoga ball to lean on for support. The hot water running over my back felt SO good. And the water was distracting from the contractions that were beginning to grab my entire body. I started crying a bit and started to really go deep into prayer. I kept asking Jesus to be there with me and to help my body do what He had made it to do, and to hold me and the baby in His arms. There were also some more intense prayers of me asking God to just let the baby come already, no matter how bad, just let the baby come out!
Once I got out of the shower I don't remember too much. I did a lot of moving around from the bed to the bathroom, to the ball, to rocking on my hands and knees. I am the type where I don't really want to be talked to that much when I'm in labor or to hear noises of phones. I want to fully concentrate on each contraction. I also mostly want to be alone, but not FEEL alone at the same time. I told my mother in law that she had to be quiet and I was serious, haha. It's funny now, but I couldn't laugh anymore at the time, her intent was to lighten the mood. Poor Kathy! My husband did a bit of counter pressure with his fists on my back during contractions, which helps so much! He also played poker on his phone next to me, I think it's just him not knowing what to do, kind of like a nervous activity... being present next to me but still in the background at the same time. But his phone HAD to be quiet. With my contractions I work on relaxing my shoulders, leaving my mouth open a bit with my jaw loose, exhaling slowly. Words I read in an Ina May Gaskin book ran through my head "Open like a budding rose flower, layer by layer.", and words about her sphincter law "Stay loose, don't tighten up." I tried to welcome each contraction, this was one down, this was progress, let it do its work. I'm not totally perfect at this. I would tighten up with pain during some contractions and could tell a difference in my progress. Your body progresses much better when you're relaxed. Moving around a lot helps too. It's like your searching for a comfy spot. I said out loud a lot "I need to move", "This isn't working right now", or "I don't know WHAT I want". I remember one time saying "What do I do!?!" when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I got really frustrated with the yoga ball a few times and pushed it angrily across the room, then later I would wonder where it went. Haha. Throughout this labor until the end my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Which was frustrating for me because I wanted it to go, yet this was also kind of nice because I got a long break between contractions for rest.
After a bit I could start to feel I was almost there! Late into labor there was a small stall in contractions. My midwife helped me push against my cervix because there was a little that the baby had a hard time moving his head past. We worked through that for what felt like a long time and once the babies head was past, Brande told me "You're ready to go! The baby is ready to be here! You can push when you feel ready!" Oh, sweet wonderful words to hear in labor! I still had a little sense of humor and sarcastically asked Brande if that meant I was fully dilated. Since I hadn't wanted to be checked for progress throughout labor. I moved to my bed maybe had two to three more contractions and started pushing. I remember saying out loud to myself "I can do this!" In my head I was still in constant prayer. I don't even know what I was really praying, but just felt God's presence with me. Brande and Malory had me come onto the birth stool when the baby was close to being here. Right before Graham was born Brande placed my hand on his head. This is something that I never really would say that I wanted to do, but it helped SO much! There is a reason people do this. It was like something clicked in my body and head. I pushed a few more times and my sweet baby was here!
Hallelujah! I did it! I said so happy aloud "I DID IT!" Then I immediately said "That wasn't so bad!" Haha. Ten minutes prior I would have had a very different opinion! My sweet baby was placed on my chest and the announcement was made that "It's a BOY!!!" Oh, what a joy! My mother in law said that Casey did a little fist pump when Brande said boy. We didn't care if it was a boy or girl and would have had just as much joy with a girl, yet it was fun to find we now had a little girl AND a little boy :) We had decided on the name Graham for our son. We hadn't really talked about a middle name too much, but we decided on Carl, after Casey's late Grandpa Carl Hamann. Casey's other Grandpa had an older brother named Carl as well, so it was a good family name.
I remember right after Graham was born he pretty much lifted his head on his own and made eye contact with me. This is the sweetest memory, it almost brings tears to my eyes. Right after I had Josey she did the same, just calmly making eye contact with me almost like sweetly saying "Hello my Mommy! I'm here!". What a gift! I think it's so precious that both of them did this. I also love seeing Casey hold his babies for the first time. It's so sweet. He has taken his shirt off both times for skin to skin and he just cuddles his babies up in his big arms, brings them close, and says hi.
This time, I was at home. Right where I wanted to be :) Graham nursed almost right off the bat. After everything was finished and calmed down, I had something to eat, stared in wonder at my new little love, then curled up around Graham with Casey next to me and we went to sleep.
Graham Carl McCausland
2:21AM January 26, 2013
8lbs, 21inches long
Happy to have you here buddy :)
1 comment:
Congratulations Tara! I hope you enjoyed your summer with your newborn :-) My name is Heather and I have a quick question about your blog! My email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)
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