Graham's Birth Story

The day I had Graham, I left the house to get groceries around 9:00 in the morning. I remember I didn't feel like getting dressed and couldn't find much that fit me anymore. I wore Casey's long john shirt and squeezed one more time into my maternity skinny jeans. I was 39 weeks 5 days pregnant.

I snapped this photo for Instagram that day :)




























The day before,  I had my check up with my midwife, Brande. We talked and wondered about when the baby would come. I could feel it was soon, just didn't know when! My midwife's birth assistant, Malory, had just gotten back from vacation that week. I really wanted Malory here because she had been at Josey's birth. I couldn't picture having a baby without either of them :)


Good thing Malory came back! Because the next day, as soon I was done unloading groceries, my water broke. I had gone upstairs to use the bathroom and put my comfortable yoga pants back on, as I was pushing and pulling to get out of my skinny jeans and hurry to go pee, a gush of water came out. I didn't know if I had peed my pants or if this was really it. I called my Mom and asked her if I was nuts, because I really could have just peed my pants! Soon after, more like 30 seconds, I was sure it was my water. I got off the phone and left my midwife a text and voicemail. She soon got back to me and made preparations to be on her way to my house when I needed her. I tried calling Casey a few times to let him know labor had started. He was ice fishing with Grandpa and his phone was dead. So I left him a goofy "Hey! My water broke!" message. He got back to me about 15-20 minutes later and came home right away. My mother-in-law, Kathy, wanted to be here when the baby was born so I let her know and she was immediately on her way to be here with us. So everyone was notified and on track to being here!

My labor had hardly started yet... Josey and I played in her room a bit and I started packing her a little bag. She was pretty hyper cause she could feel the excitement/anticipation in the room. Soon after Casey came home my sister in law came over to pick Josey up. It was around then that I started feeling labor a bit more I think around 4:00PM.

Around 6 I had talked to my midwife again and told her to be here around 8:00PM cause I felt like it'd be a bit longer until stuff really got going. By the time Brande and Malory came I was at the stage that I call "Not Smiling". I could still move around, walk, talk and stuff but had to stop and concentrate on each contraction as it came. Everyone had been there for about an hour or so when I decided to go upstairs with Casey. About maybe 2 contractions after I had gone upstairs things got intense. It was like the quiet of my room and comfort of my bed really kicked things in. I asked for Casey to get Brande to check me cause I had had a few really strong contractions that did a lot of work. Once they came up to check me, I told them I changed my mind and didn't want to be checked. (indecisive much?) I knew things had really started working, but decided that I didn't want to know how far I had to go. I didn't want to measure how long it was taking or be discouraged. I mean, labor was going! Kicking right in and becoming intense. But I knew I wasn't at the end yet.

After working around my bed, on the yoga ball, and moving around a whole lot Brande suggested a warm shower. I went into the shower with the yoga ball to lean on for support. The hot water running over my back felt SO good. And the water was distracting from the contractions that were beginning to grab my entire body. I started crying a bit and started to really go deep into prayer. I kept asking Jesus to be there with me and to help my body do what He had made it to do, and to hold me and the baby in His arms. There were also some more intense prayers of me asking God to just let the baby come already, no matter how bad, just let the baby come out!

Once I got out of the shower I don't remember too much. I did a lot of moving around from the bed to the bathroom, to the ball, to rocking on my hands and knees. I am the type where I don't really want to be talked to that much when I'm in labor or to hear noises of phones. I want to fully concentrate on each contraction. I also mostly want to be alone, but not FEEL alone at the same time. I told my mother in law that she had to be quiet and I was serious, haha. It's funny now, but I couldn't laugh anymore at the time, her intent was to lighten the mood. Poor Kathy! My husband did a bit of counter pressure with his fists on my back during contractions, which helps so much! He also played poker on his phone next to me, I think it's just him not knowing what to do, kind of like a nervous activity... being present next to me but still in the background at the same time. But his phone HAD to be quiet. With my contractions I work on relaxing my shoulders, leaving my mouth open a bit with my jaw loose, exhaling slowly. Words I read in an Ina May Gaskin book ran through my head "Open like a budding rose flower, layer by layer.", and words about her sphincter law "Stay loose, don't tighten up." I tried to welcome each contraction, this was one down, this was progress, let it do its work. I'm not totally perfect at this. I would tighten up with pain during some contractions and could tell a difference in my progress. Your body progresses much better when you're relaxed. Moving around a lot helps too. It's like your searching for a comfy spot. I said out loud a lot "I need to move", "This isn't working right now", or "I don't know WHAT I want". I remember one time saying "What do I do!?!" when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I got really frustrated with the yoga ball a few times and pushed it angrily across the room, then later I would wonder where it went. Haha. Throughout this labor until the end my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Which was frustrating for me because I wanted it to go, yet this was also kind of nice because I got a long break between contractions for rest.

After a bit I could start to feel I was almost there! Late into labor there was a small stall in contractions. My midwife helped me push against my cervix because there was a little that the baby had a hard time moving his head past. We worked through that for what felt like a long time and once the babies head was past, Brande told me "You're ready to go! The baby is ready to be here! You can push when you feel ready!" Oh, sweet wonderful words to hear in labor! I still had a little sense of humor and sarcastically asked Brande if that meant I was fully dilated. Since I hadn't wanted to be checked for progress throughout labor. I moved to my bed maybe had two to three more contractions and started pushing. I remember saying out loud to myself "I can do this!" In my head I was still in constant prayer. I don't even know what I was really praying, but just felt God's presence with me. Brande and Malory had me come onto the birth stool when the baby was close to being here. Right before Graham was born Brande placed my hand on his head. This is something that I never really would say that I wanted to do, but it helped SO much! There is a reason people do this. It was like something clicked in my body and head. I pushed a few more times and my sweet baby was here!

Hallelujah! I did it! I said so happy aloud "I DID IT!" Then I immediately said "That wasn't so bad!" Haha. Ten minutes prior I would have had a very different opinion! My sweet baby was placed on my chest and the announcement was made that "It's a BOY!!!" Oh, what a joy! My mother in law said that Casey did a little fist pump when Brande said boy. We didn't care if it was a boy or girl and would have had just as much joy with a girl, yet it was fun to find we now had a little girl AND a little boy :) We had decided on the name Graham for our son. We hadn't really talked about a middle name too much, but we decided on Carl, after Casey's late Grandpa Carl Hamann. Casey's other Grandpa had an older brother named Carl as well, so it was a good family name.

I remember right after Graham was born he pretty much lifted his head on his own and made eye contact with me. This is the sweetest memory, it almost brings tears to my eyes. Right after I had Josey she did the same, just calmly making eye contact with me almost like sweetly saying "Hello my Mommy! I'm here!". What a gift! I think it's so precious that both of them did this. I also love seeing Casey hold his babies for the first time. It's so sweet. He has taken his shirt off both times for skin to skin and he just cuddles his babies up in his big arms, brings them close, and says hi.

This time, I was at home. Right where I wanted to be :) Graham nursed almost right off the bat. After everything was finished and calmed down, I had something to eat, stared in wonder at my new little love, then curled up around Graham with Casey next to me and we went to sleep.

Graham Carl McCausland

2:21AM January 26, 2013

8lbs, 21inches long

Happy to have you here buddy :)

My Nursing Story (so far)

My first experience with nursing was a few hours after Josey was born.. a nurse was trying to shove my breast into my babies mouth. Josey wouldn't latch. I had a very long labor with Josey and was so completely exhausted I ended up falling asleep while the nurse was doing this to me. What happened wasn't right on many levels. NOT a pleasant experience at all.

Once my sweet baby did latch I had no idea how I would nurse her. I never knew how hard a baby could suckle! I was shocked! We were sent home with instructions of nursing her every 1-2 hours waking her up if needed and breaking off after 15-20min and trying the next side. Needless to say... a few days later I was completely exhausted, again. I made the decision to wait about 2 1/2 to 3 hours for every feeding, and still broke off after 15-20 min. When Josey was 10 days old she bit me so bad that the tip of my breast was damaged on one side. I can't begin to tell you how bad this hurts. Even though this happened to me I still have no idea how such a tiny baby could do that, or bite SO hard.

Within a few days I got a fever and didn't know why. Suddenly nursing hurt so bad it made me feel delusional. I have never felt more sick in my life. I found out that I had mastitis. I kicked up the amount of water I was drinking, took extra vit c, massage with warm heat or in a warm shower or bath. Tried to nurse often. Josey had to break the scab from the bite every time she nursed (cause I was switching). Weirdly enough, the mastitis was gone within a few days. Little did I know that this would be one of five terrible flare ups of mastitis in 7 1/2 weeks. The next 4 times I got mastitis I had prescription and it would fade for a week or so and come back just as horrible as the last. I can tell you this, I WOULD RATHER HAVE A BABY AGAIN, THAN BE IN THE PAIN OF MASTITIS. Mark my words! I don't know how to describe it to you. I have never cried so much out of sheer pain and frustration than in those weeks. I felt SO bad. I wanted to nurse my baby so bad and be successful at it. I was defeated.

My nursing journey sadly ended at only 7 1/2 weeks with Josey. My bitten left side that kept getting infected waved the white flag of surrender and stopped producing milk. After weeks of trying, crying, appointments, different prescriptions, and boob ultrasounds it was D-O-N-E. So swift and final. When I weaned Josey nothing even filled up on the "sick side".

Josey was always happy and healthy throughout this journey. And she liked eating so much she hardly blinked when she had her first formula bottle. Um, which broke my heart by the way. Stinker.

We used Enfamil for most of the first 6 months. When she was a bit older I was at Sam's Club and compared ingredients to their brand and Enfamil, its the same thing... So to save some money we switched to their brand and never looked back. I think it was about $200-$300 a month for formula depending on what brand I grabbed.

I now have a 9 weeks old son, Graham. His nursing journey has been a bit different. He ate pretty much right after he was born, and oh boy did he want to eat a lot! This time I am alternating sides with each feeding. No switching for one feeding, unless he's still hungry after emptying one side. This method works well for me so I fully know that he is emptying each side and helps me prevent mastitis. This is my opinion, but I feel that when babies nurse this way they won't miss any of the nutrient hind milk, and have a better eating experience without being taken off suddenly. Since I've had Graham I've also been nursing on demand. Any nursing period is a lot of work, but nursing on demand is not the workload that I had pictured in my head. Quite the opposite, actually.

About 2 weeks or so after Graham was born I got mastitis, and kicked it within 24hrs without a prescription. I was terrified!!! And super paranoid! When Graham was about 3 1/2 weeks I got mastitis again and it was gone in 24hrs. This time, in my mind, I made the best nursing related decision ever and called a lactation consultant for an in home visit. During this home visit I learned SO much! I was actually doing a lot of things right with latching which was one of my big concerns. We found out that Graham was tongue tied all the way to the tip of his mouth. This was causing him to do short frequent nursing sessions because he was working so hard to suck he'd get tired. Also, since he had a hard time sucking, he had a hard time finishing each side.

My lactation consultant recommended some chiropractic work to be done on Graham and his tongue to be cut by a local dentist who uses a water laser. The chiropractor was for all the tension Graham had in his neck, jaw, and shoulders from working so hard to nurse. He also used to hold his head looking up at the ceiling all the time from this tension. Since we've gotten this adjusted, he hasn't held his head funky or been completely tense while eating.

We got Graham's tongue cut soon after the lactation consultant visit. We really wanted to do the water laser because the dentist would have a better chance of completely fixing the problem and not just doing one snip. Graham did end up having one of the most "tied" tongues the dentist had seen in awhile. He had to have tissue separated further back in his mouth, which wouldn't really have been fixed had we had his tongue cut the old way. We had a hard time after Graham had his tongue cut because we had to start all over with nursing. A few days after his tongue was cut, Graham refused to nurse for almost a day and a half. I called the lactation consultant and used her recommendations to do skin to skin like when he was just born and he finally nursed again. It was slow progress to get back on track with nursing. It took almost two weeks to fully be regular again.

Now Graham is 9 weeks old and gaining weight and eating like it's no ones business! We are still doing on demand, which translates into about every 2 1/2 to 3 hours anyways. Well, by this age. I think its all around easier on demand. With my first I was glued to my watch or the clock, now I don't even glance at them. It's more simplified now.

If I could give any advice... Please please call a lactation consultant if you have ANY problem! Have her come to your house, or go in for an appointment with her. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It doesn't have to be a big issue for a consult. They're there to help Mom's with all this stuff, it's their job!

And, hey... sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out. I definitely learned that with my first. It doesn't make you an less of a Mom or any of that. Don't beat yourself up. Breast is best. I agree wholeheartedly, but I'm also thankful that formula is here for when it doesn't work out.

That said, I still will go through many lengths to be able to breastfeed.

We'll see how things go with my second baby! I hope to nurse him for awhile. I don't know how long... He's still a tiny baby so I'm not really concerned with that yet. Maybe if he still wants to nurse before bed when he's 1 1/2 that's totally fine with me. Some Mom's may think that's too soon, some may think that's too long. I'll just see how it goes and make my decisions when I get to that bridge.

I hope to post again on natural mastitis remedies and all sorts of info ;) It may take me a bit, but I want it all written down and easy to share!

Happy parenting!

Growing Pains

As the days go by my little girl grows and grows, and grows.

The tears get bigger; the screams, louder...

The attitude changes...

Imagination is endless...

And new firsts line up all ready to be enjoyed...

5, 6, Pick Up Sticks

Yesterday it was so nice and warm!

So warm, that there were a few lawnmowers and weed wackers heard around the neighborhood. As my husband and I were sitting outside, we were forced to look at how our yard came through the winter. The lot our house is on has about 20 to many pine trees, and there were branches scattered all through the yard. So, we got Josey's pink John Deer wagon out and picked up sticks.

Josey joined in the fun with the most adorable shorts on. We loved to see her cute legs!

Josey loves to be outside! She spends a lot of her time kicking through the dirt and shouting "Hi" at any jogger or car that goes by.

In between loads of sticks, Josey got to ride in the wagon. She did get a little scrape on her knee, but she smiled through that whole episode.

Josey loves to be outside! Absolutely loves it. So much, that it is always really embarrassing to take her inside. It sounds like she's getting tortured! Kicking and screaming and her face is a few shades past the point of red. I calmed Josey down with her next favorite thing which is taking a bath. This summer I see a lot of hours playing outside digging around in the dirt, stroller rides, bike rides, and lots of trips to the town pool. I can't wait!

Scatter-Brained Thoughts

We were looking at buying a house these past few weeks. We are not anymore. It was a foreclosure, we had an offer pending on the home inspection. After the home inspection, we wrestled with the giant amount of work needed on the house, and decided it wasn't for us. Whew! That took a lot out of us.

Somewhere in those few weeks our computer charger broke. The computer went dead fast, with no way to charge it back up. AGH! So no computer for me, or for Casey's homework.

And now, after hearing weird sounds and vibrations from the truck whenever we shift, the truck will be in the shop for about 5 days. Thought it was a U-joint on the back of the truck going bad, turned out to be a transfer case issue. We caught it early, so it should be an easy fix, fingers crossed. You know, just in case you were wondering...

In the words of my Mom, "There's always something!"

Josey is just adorable, as always. :) She is full of gibberish and dancing to any music that plays. Josey carries a purse around the house with her arm straight up in the air, pretending that she's "going somewhere" and "Oh, so busy". This stage is awesome! At the same time, I see the beginnings of a little girl looking up at me, and not a baby anymore. Josey is still really big into cuddling with a bottle in the morning, so that makes me happy.

This makes me laugh. This picture is one of Josey's concerts in full swing. She's dancing and singing on the top of her lungs into her play microphone. I just love how she has her pj's on and her Daddy's hat on backwards. I think this was about 8:30 in the morning the other day haha!

Well, that's kind of what's going on out here in Illinois :) Have a good day!

Playing in the Snow

Our one and only snow, that actually stuck, was a few weeks ago. It has been a really mild winter here compared to last year!

We wanted to take Josey out to play in the snow. It took longer to put all her snow gear on than she was actually outside :) But, we had fun!

Josey was so excited to see everything white!

And, as you can see she dove right in! :)

Aw! My little girl!!

Josey's little trail is so cute! She actually walked most of the way to that spot.

After rolling around for a bit trying to get up, Daddy came to the rescue!

Josey needed to be rescued again, she wasn't liking to learn how cold snow is on your fingers. She had originally started with gloves, but they came off as soon as we went outside. That's how it goes..

Josey and me!

I loved seeing her little boots next to ours after we came in. Funny little side note: I bought these baby boots right before Casey and I got married. I knew how much Casey likes hunting and thought they were appropriate. It's crazy to see them being used now :)

Josey's First Birthday

We had Josey's birthday party almost 2 weeks ago now. It was a very fun PINK event with family and friends.

I discovered Pinterest.com a few months ago and got some great party ideas from there! If you don't know what Pinterest is, I would encourage you to check it out!! But, please don't hold me entirely responsible for your new "pinning" obession ;-)

We had a Pink Ruffle Cake

I found a pan at Kohls that makes three big sized cupcakes. I really love it! I made those with strawberry boxed cake mix. I used the leftover cake mix for regular sized cupcakes. Topped all my cupcakes with a ready made (I know) french vanilla frosting. There was a princess pack of sprinkles in the cake aisle, I used the little round white sprinkles on the big cupcakes and I used little yellow crowns on the regular cupcakes. I found a free printable for the cupcake toppers and taped them to toothpicks. 

Here's a close up of the cupcakes!

Here is Josey's cake with her 1 on top!

Josey's Grandma made Chocolate Covered Oreos! She put them on lollipop sticks, and decorated them all cute. Look at them in that cool box too!

We had the rest of the kitchen decked out with pink balloons and pom poms taped to Josey's chair. Those pom poms are surprisingly easy to make!

Singing "Happy Birthday"

Josey wasn't sure about what to do with her cake.

Here we go! She actually ate quite a bit! Let's just say she played hard after her cake, and she slept so good that night! Josey has been playing with her toys almost non-stop since!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!! 

Tomorrow

Josey will be one tomorrow.

This year went by so fast!

I so look forward to all the days God will give us together.

I hope that Casey and I can grow old watching our children grow up.

I hope so many great things for her, like any parent would for their child.
To be confident in who she is, confident in her relationship with the Lord. To smile, laugh, be goofy, and never think she's too good to say "Hello", "I'm sorry", or "I forgive you". I hope Josey realizes early on that life is not about herself. I hope she can be a good friend, listener, and a strong woman .... Just to name a few :)

Casey and I are so proud of Josey, we love being parents. She is such a fun, giggly, determined, crazy little girl.

One day old

One Month

Two Months

Three Months

Four Months

Five Months

Six Months

Seven Months

Eight Months

Nine Months

Ten Months

Eleven Months

Two weeks ago.. this melts my heart :)

Baby Steps

Josey started taking steps and walking this past weekend! She falls A LOT, but is getting better and better each day.

I took the video today, she suddenly started walking to me from the living room. She always does great when she's focused on where she's going.

Casey and I agree that it looks strange to see her upright moving around! We're so used to her speed crawling by our feet, that Josey looks so tall wobbling through the house!

What a big girl!! I used to never be able to imagine her doing these things, and here she is walking through the house! I want to hold on so tight to her!

Josey's Favorite Things

Josey loves laundry! I know where she is going when she crawls out of the living room, she is going to check if the laundry room door is open. Josey is just fascinated by the whole process of doing laundry. I don't know where she gets that from, because it is not one of my favorite things to do.

I put Josey on this little footstool so she can watch me sort clothes and switch loads of laundry.

Ahhh! Nothing like jumping onto clothes fresh from the dryer!

Here's Josey and me in the reflection of the wash machine. She could sit here watching the machine for HOURS!

Folding laundry is pretty cool too! Josey's way of "helping" me is to try to empty the basket before I can fold the clothes. Putting laundry away is fun for Josey too. She rides on my back in her baby carrier as I go up and down the stairs. Josey loves watching me open and close the drawers and hang stuff up. This girl just loves the whole process!

Another thing that Josey really enjoys is putting hats on, or anything on her head.

Love the look on her face! Daddy is letting her wear his hat!

Showing me how cool she looks!

Josey got a hold of another hat last night... She showed off her crawling skills with her hat on backwards.

We had family visit recently, and Josey got to get some good cousin bonding time in. 

There was also some much needed sharing time for Josey too!

Both the babies did really good with eachother! It was so fun to watch them play and crawl, and holler back and forth at eachother. I think they both grew up a bit during their time together. 

Josey is such a fun crazy little girl, who is full of new noises, facial expressions, and favorite things every day!