Graham's Birth Story

The day I had Graham, I left the house to get groceries around 9:00 in the morning. I remember I didn't feel like getting dressed and couldn't find much that fit me anymore. I wore Casey's long john shirt and squeezed one more time into my maternity skinny jeans. I was 39 weeks 5 days pregnant.

I snapped this photo for Instagram that day :)




























The day before,  I had my check up with my midwife, Brande. We talked and wondered about when the baby would come. I could feel it was soon, just didn't know when! My midwife's birth assistant, Malory, had just gotten back from vacation that week. I really wanted Malory here because she had been at Josey's birth. I couldn't picture having a baby without either of them :)


Good thing Malory came back! Because the next day, as soon I was done unloading groceries, my water broke. I had gone upstairs to use the bathroom and put my comfortable yoga pants back on, as I was pushing and pulling to get out of my skinny jeans and hurry to go pee, a gush of water came out. I didn't know if I had peed my pants or if this was really it. I called my Mom and asked her if I was nuts, because I really could have just peed my pants! Soon after, more like 30 seconds, I was sure it was my water. I got off the phone and left my midwife a text and voicemail. She soon got back to me and made preparations to be on her way to my house when I needed her. I tried calling Casey a few times to let him know labor had started. He was ice fishing with Grandpa and his phone was dead. So I left him a goofy "Hey! My water broke!" message. He got back to me about 15-20 minutes later and came home right away. My mother-in-law, Kathy, wanted to be here when the baby was born so I let her know and she was immediately on her way to be here with us. So everyone was notified and on track to being here!

My labor had hardly started yet... Josey and I played in her room a bit and I started packing her a little bag. She was pretty hyper cause she could feel the excitement/anticipation in the room. Soon after Casey came home my sister in law came over to pick Josey up. It was around then that I started feeling labor a bit more I think around 4:00PM.

Around 6 I had talked to my midwife again and told her to be here around 8:00PM cause I felt like it'd be a bit longer until stuff really got going. By the time Brande and Malory came I was at the stage that I call "Not Smiling". I could still move around, walk, talk and stuff but had to stop and concentrate on each contraction as it came. Everyone had been there for about an hour or so when I decided to go upstairs with Casey. About maybe 2 contractions after I had gone upstairs things got intense. It was like the quiet of my room and comfort of my bed really kicked things in. I asked for Casey to get Brande to check me cause I had had a few really strong contractions that did a lot of work. Once they came up to check me, I told them I changed my mind and didn't want to be checked. (indecisive much?) I knew things had really started working, but decided that I didn't want to know how far I had to go. I didn't want to measure how long it was taking or be discouraged. I mean, labor was going! Kicking right in and becoming intense. But I knew I wasn't at the end yet.

After working around my bed, on the yoga ball, and moving around a whole lot Brande suggested a warm shower. I went into the shower with the yoga ball to lean on for support. The hot water running over my back felt SO good. And the water was distracting from the contractions that were beginning to grab my entire body. I started crying a bit and started to really go deep into prayer. I kept asking Jesus to be there with me and to help my body do what He had made it to do, and to hold me and the baby in His arms. There were also some more intense prayers of me asking God to just let the baby come already, no matter how bad, just let the baby come out!

Once I got out of the shower I don't remember too much. I did a lot of moving around from the bed to the bathroom, to the ball, to rocking on my hands and knees. I am the type where I don't really want to be talked to that much when I'm in labor or to hear noises of phones. I want to fully concentrate on each contraction. I also mostly want to be alone, but not FEEL alone at the same time. I told my mother in law that she had to be quiet and I was serious, haha. It's funny now, but I couldn't laugh anymore at the time, her intent was to lighten the mood. Poor Kathy! My husband did a bit of counter pressure with his fists on my back during contractions, which helps so much! He also played poker on his phone next to me, I think it's just him not knowing what to do, kind of like a nervous activity... being present next to me but still in the background at the same time. But his phone HAD to be quiet. With my contractions I work on relaxing my shoulders, leaving my mouth open a bit with my jaw loose, exhaling slowly. Words I read in an Ina May Gaskin book ran through my head "Open like a budding rose flower, layer by layer.", and words about her sphincter law "Stay loose, don't tighten up." I tried to welcome each contraction, this was one down, this was progress, let it do its work. I'm not totally perfect at this. I would tighten up with pain during some contractions and could tell a difference in my progress. Your body progresses much better when you're relaxed. Moving around a lot helps too. It's like your searching for a comfy spot. I said out loud a lot "I need to move", "This isn't working right now", or "I don't know WHAT I want". I remember one time saying "What do I do!?!" when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I got really frustrated with the yoga ball a few times and pushed it angrily across the room, then later I would wonder where it went. Haha. Throughout this labor until the end my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Which was frustrating for me because I wanted it to go, yet this was also kind of nice because I got a long break between contractions for rest.

After a bit I could start to feel I was almost there! Late into labor there was a small stall in contractions. My midwife helped me push against my cervix because there was a little that the baby had a hard time moving his head past. We worked through that for what felt like a long time and once the babies head was past, Brande told me "You're ready to go! The baby is ready to be here! You can push when you feel ready!" Oh, sweet wonderful words to hear in labor! I still had a little sense of humor and sarcastically asked Brande if that meant I was fully dilated. Since I hadn't wanted to be checked for progress throughout labor. I moved to my bed maybe had two to three more contractions and started pushing. I remember saying out loud to myself "I can do this!" In my head I was still in constant prayer. I don't even know what I was really praying, but just felt God's presence with me. Brande and Malory had me come onto the birth stool when the baby was close to being here. Right before Graham was born Brande placed my hand on his head. This is something that I never really would say that I wanted to do, but it helped SO much! There is a reason people do this. It was like something clicked in my body and head. I pushed a few more times and my sweet baby was here!

Hallelujah! I did it! I said so happy aloud "I DID IT!" Then I immediately said "That wasn't so bad!" Haha. Ten minutes prior I would have had a very different opinion! My sweet baby was placed on my chest and the announcement was made that "It's a BOY!!!" Oh, what a joy! My mother in law said that Casey did a little fist pump when Brande said boy. We didn't care if it was a boy or girl and would have had just as much joy with a girl, yet it was fun to find we now had a little girl AND a little boy :) We had decided on the name Graham for our son. We hadn't really talked about a middle name too much, but we decided on Carl, after Casey's late Grandpa Carl Hamann. Casey's other Grandpa had an older brother named Carl as well, so it was a good family name.

I remember right after Graham was born he pretty much lifted his head on his own and made eye contact with me. This is the sweetest memory, it almost brings tears to my eyes. Right after I had Josey she did the same, just calmly making eye contact with me almost like sweetly saying "Hello my Mommy! I'm here!". What a gift! I think it's so precious that both of them did this. I also love seeing Casey hold his babies for the first time. It's so sweet. He has taken his shirt off both times for skin to skin and he just cuddles his babies up in his big arms, brings them close, and says hi.

This time, I was at home. Right where I wanted to be :) Graham nursed almost right off the bat. After everything was finished and calmed down, I had something to eat, stared in wonder at my new little love, then curled up around Graham with Casey next to me and we went to sleep.

Graham Carl McCausland

2:21AM January 26, 2013

8lbs, 21inches long

Happy to have you here buddy :)

Counting Down....

Baby's Room!

My picture taking skills aren't that awesome, excuse me. But you get the gist of it... this is the nursery!!! There are still those finishing touches, pictures n things to be added. I'm sure I will organize everything 2 million times in the next few weeks. I kinda got everything set up in there last night and it finally has that almost finished look instead of a storage look :)

My parents were here on a short stop on their way back home and it was so nice to see them! Even if it was for just a day! I'm happy that they got the chance to actually see me pregnant and everything. I love that my mom got to help set up the baby room last night! I asked my Mom a million questions about babies etc. ... my Dad got a few laughs out of the huge look in my eyes about me just thinking about the baby coming so soon. I know that everything will be fine.

I'm over thinking about the delivery... now it's after the delivery that I can't get out of my head. A baby is actually coming and it's staying here... not going home to someone else, it's mine, and I might break it! It's always so cute to see other people go through pregnancy and see their babies, it's all "AWE and butterflies" but I've never thought of all the crazy random thoughts and emotions that may go through their heads. Not to seem down at all about any of this... I am THRILLED to have a baby and be a Mom! Absolutely thrilled! I just know that I used to look at people who were married and/or about to have babies and think AWE! and not give a thought to what it is actually like. Marriage is great! Love it! It's a lot of work. Pregnancy and babies are great! Love it! But that's also a ton of work, and there are all the great things to follow... I guess what I'm trying to say is, just think past the AWE! moment all you "awe"ers out there :) It's kinda scary to!

I'm 36 weeks 4 days pregnant today! I thought I should take a picture again and show the belly progress!

No bare belly picture this time... I pull my shirt up and go OOO I'm getting reeeeally pregnant now! (well to me anyways) So as soon as that shock wears off, then maybe we'll do a bare belly shot. My belly has dropped a bit in the last week so it's not so out there. At the last check-up everything was good, babies head is down ... waaay down. Somewhere around a 5 pounder now and will be gaining 1/2 lb. a week, I think... so by the time the baby is due it should be 7 - 7 1/2 lbs. Which is fine by me! I was expecting bigger by the end for some reason.

I've been staying busy and working still. I work part time so it's not that bad at all. I don't know when I'll stop, I just know that if I stop I'll be at home and go craaazy waiting for the baby to come. Especially if it's late! We are on the count down! So exciting! Can't wait to have everyone meet Baby MAC!!!

Lately...

Life has been crazy busy lately... and good!

It's harvest! Harvest is actually almost done by now! So exciting! That means more family time, and we can have a first year behind us! Casey has been working so hard, I'm so proud of him! :)

I am really excited to see all the bright Fall colors this year. Being from Central California, Fall means everything goes from blah dried out brown to green, and then it gets foggy for a few months .... that's all. But here, all the fields go from bright green to brown, and the trees really put on a show before they finally lose their leaves. Which hasn't really happened all the way yet, the trees are just starting. Yay! Maybe after a few years here I won't be as amazed, but I hope not to lose that. It feels special to put on a jacket, bake apple pie, look at pumpkin recipes, and be outside enjoying it all! There are SEASONS here! All with their pros and cons, but I am happy to see them this year! I've got to put pictures up!

Speaking of seasons.. there is hunting season. I probably shouldn't kid myself that I'll see Casey a whooole lot more after harvest cause he'll be gone in some tree stand or duck blind or something... oh well! :)

In pregnancy news...

I am 32 weeks/8 months as of Sunday. We have less than 8 weeks to go, and we are soo excited! There's baby showers coming up, finishing the nursery stuff, reality has to set in a bit (don't know if it will)... all sorts of things to get ready for this little one! :) I am really enjoying being pregnant! Ya, there are the long nights of repeated trips to the bathroom, waking up every time you have to roll over, sitting there with your mind spinning, and you lose almost all brain function in decision making, and so on but it's sooo worth it! There's a BABY that's YOURS at the end of it all!!!

There is something that I feel I need to tell the world though... If you don't know a pregnant woman, don't touch her belly!! It's just gross, and very uncomfortable. Maybe some pregnant woman like complete strangers touching their body, but I am definitely not one of them, so please don't do it, or attempt it. EW! EW!

The nursery has had some changes, there are new curtains up, and the deer are out of there! Yay! I will post pictures once it's closer to being finished!

Until then ... take care!

Crib is up! Deer are not down! :)

So yay! Our nursery has made progress! I am super excited about the crib and love it! I was looking in there this morning and couldn't stop giggling at those deer in there. I had to share...

Eeew! It's pretty bad huh? You know what is sad about this? I would bet that this isn't the only baby room with deer heads in it out here in Central Illinois. Casey was looking in there and said "Hey Tara! If the baby is a boy, then we should just keep those in there! He could wake up and go to sleep looking at the deer, and dream about all the hunting we will do with each other! It would be AWESOME!!" Haha not really. Sometimes I can't tell how serious he's being either, I think he secretly really likes that idea. It's a good memory while it lasts...

Besides that randomness.. Here's the crib! And other shots of things we've been getting together to put in the room.

So this is where we are at! I've been wanting to keep everything neutral and interchangeable, not really going with any theme just mixing and matching. :) And whether it's a boy or girl I'll be happy to throw more colors in!

I thought I mind as well throw in a belly shot. I haven't done to many of these. I'm not a huge fan of pictures, but it's for a good reason! I have 12 weeks 5 days left!

More Food!

Yes! More food and recipes to share! It's cooled off a bit so I can turn on the oven without making the kitchen over 85 degrees! And being pregnant, I suddenly have a lot more patience to actually go through with making things cause I soooo look forward to the end result!

Salsa

2-99 oz. cans whole, peeled tomatoes

1-16 oz. can tomato sauce

8 medium onions

12-20 jalapenos

1/2 C. sugar

4 oz. cider vinegar

4 tsp. canning salt

Dice and combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil and cook for 30 minutes. Put in jars. Makes about 2 gallons.

I used this as a base recipe and changed a few things. I used a grocery bag of tomatoes (how much that is, I don't know.. 5-6 lbs?) no tomato sauce, and 6 jalepenos with seeds. I added 3 Tbsp. cilantro, 2 tsp. lime juice, and 1 Tbsp garlic. I pretty much just threw in there what sounded good, and taste tested as I went.

Pumpkin Puree!!

I used the boil method and really like how it turned out. I used these 3 smaller pumpkins and it made a one quart jar of puree. I did learn though, that you have to freeze puree or keep it in the fridge for 2-3 days, just canning it supposedly doesn't keep it like it should.

Pumpkin Wheat Honey Muffins

These were made immediately after the puree, they sounded so good! (minus the raisins, cause I can't stand them) They didn't taste to 'healthy' either, I was kinda nervous for that. I will be making these again once this batch is gone... which may be sooner than later.

Other than food, there has been a lot on my mind lately. I don't know why, but suddenly I feel like the baby is coming tomorrow and not in 14 weeks. There's so much I have to get done! We haven't really touched the nursery. There is only a dresser/changer in there and 2 massive deer heads, which of course the heads are not staying in there. They are just in there to get out of the living room.... and will hopefully move to the office soon. Casey can't wait for bow season, so he can get another monster buck on the wall. Which is fine I guess, I just don't want to be greeted by them when I walk in the front door, or have them hanging over our poor babies crib. Oh no no!

Anyways... We did recently get a crib for the nursery from Grandma Kathy! We've had it for a couple days. I honestly almost cried when I wanted to put it together immediately and Casey said no, cause it was quarter after 8 at night, we had just got home and hadn't eaten yet. (he was right and being rational) It was still in the box until this morning... I am forcing myself to wait until Casey's day off tomorrow to put it up WITH him. I wouldn't be able to get all the bolts and screws as tight as he would ... at least that's what I'm telling myself so I don't do it today. So in the next while I will have the giant deer heads moved out of there and the crib up! Would love to share pictures of everything as it gets done!!!

Baby Update :)

Baby McCausland

This is an ultrasound picture from our appointment around 2 1/2 weeks ago. It's the babies profile if you're trying to figure out what it is. I'm so proud! I loved being able to see Casey watch the baby on the monitor to. He's going to be such a good Dad! The ultrasound technician was so great, she made the appointment really fun. Baby measured really well, and weighed in 2 ounces above average. So he/she is eating well! And yes, that's right, we aren't finding out the sex of the baby. GASP! I personally find it soo exciting not knowing. To each their own in that area. Pregnancy isn't always the funnest thing, but it's so unexplainably great at the same time! Just thinking about all the things happening inside you, and what the baby is going to be like. Looking at your body in absolute shock every few days :) and running to show your husband, who yes is amazed, but he tells you 'YES there's your belly I see it every day, hasn't changed that much since yesterday.' haha. But I still think it's my job to run to him and ask him to stare at it all the time. I am enjoying pregnancy! All of it!

We have just over 3 months left until our due date, and I can't wait to meet this little one. Children are such a blessing, and life is so so precious. I love reading Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being:

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to me."

How amazing is that?? Gives me so much to think about! Well I think that's a good note to end on for my thoughts today....

Here it is..

Making a blog was something that I didn't want to do for a long time. But, after some persuasion from a few loved ones.. I warmed up to the idea and this is it! I think what I want to do with this is to keep it as a family diary. Something for my kids to read from waaaay back when they weren't here yet. I would have been fascinated to read about my parents when I was little.

A little more about what's going on in my life. There is a lot of new and firsts right now, it's a big year full of so many life altering changes. My husband Casey got out of the Marines, after 5 years of service, in February. We had our bags packed and drove straight through from 29 Palms, CA to Havana, IL (which takes around 28 hours if you were wondering). We have the great opportunity to be able to farm with family here in Illinois, so this year is when we started! Corn and soy beans! Casey and I had our first wedding anniversary on March 21. It's crazy how fast a year goes! Then found out March 30th that we are pregnant with our first baby due to arrive December 5th! This first has taken over most of the other ones. I am 17 weeks pregnant now, happy the first trimester is over, there is starting to be a hint of a belly, and I can't wait to meet our baby! All these things rolled into one make it quite an interesting time for me!